These days I have been feeling my grandmother’s presence a little bit more lately. This is my favorite picture of her that I keep on my dresser. Her spirit definitely lives on through me. I’m starting to see more unexplained parallels. I’m not sure how old she was on this particular picture but I wouldn’t be surprised if she was close to my current age. I got Weezy (my car) in the same year she transitioned and these days my mood has been very reflective of how she looks in this picture.
I traded in my hair for bigger earrings and lipstick….
I have been literally avoiding the urge for two weeks of taking the clippers and cutting the rest completely off. I think this is probably a good happy medium. It took me about a month to cut it this short. I had very mixed feelings about it especially since I’ve never cut my hair this short in life. So I was a bit excited and scared. Excited because I’ve labeled 2016 as my year of liberation and shedding your hair is definitely an act of freedom. Scared because no matter how many pictures I looked at I wasn’t exactly sure how that would translate onto my own face. As I showed the lady the photos, I said this is just a guideline don’t give me anything that doesn’t fit my face. I believe my grandmother was there with me because she wore a similar short haircut for as long as I could remember. I believe she was helping to fuel my soul courage to step into the unknown and this new chapter.
Believe it or not I still get nervous about the unknown. Even though I know all things work themselves out I still pause at change’s door. Kind of like when you taking that breath right before you jump off the ledge. I got to say the stylist and my grandmother did a great job. Right now I cannot imagine my life with hair. I think every woman should cut their hair off at least once in their lifetime. It is a very freeing experience. I remember standing in the mirror the next day and having a full conversation with myself. This is my idea of what a beautiful free-spirited black woman looks like. I’ve had all types of styles over the years including braids, extensions and wigs but at that moment I felt free as I looked at my reflection. So this was what my actual face looked like and I was completely unclothed. I allowed myself to see myself. I could feel my confidence building as I prepared to show myself to the world as a freed woman. My reflection glanced back with no regrets.
I have been pleasantly surprised by the reception I’ve received so far. Even the whispers from other women on how they would love to do this but it was followed by a reason why they had not. That’s ok because in my mind I will remain their muse. They can live it through me and smile quietly as I strut by courageously feeling more like a woman than I had ever felt my whole life. Courage leads to confidence and sexiness exude from confidence. My 2016 is on trek to destroying self-imposed limitations in order to make room for new possibilities. It is said that cutting the hair is the first step in making a major transition. Therefore, I look forward to more liberation as I walk around singing…I traded in my hair for bigger earrings and lipstick.
Peace and Blessings