Day 11 was sketchy. I was feeling mixed emotions. My last gut check. I’ve been asked if I’m scared. Surprisingly the answer is hell yes. Most of the things I try I am scared but I’ve learned to push through my fear. Every time I push through something good comes out of it. Fear is a motivator once you recognize it for what it is. I refuse to live my life in doubt and what ifs. I have learned to exam what I’m feeling to see if it’s based in truth.
Fear has a tendency of lying to you. It says you aren’t ready, you aren’t good enough, you can’t leave that relationship, you will never get that dream job, you can’t manage your health or weight…and the list goes on. Yesterday my fear asked me was I sure? I could feel my stomach balling up. I needed a nap. I couldn’t concentrate. What would people think? Am I doing too much? Am I not doing enough? I spent at least two hours in a fog but when I got home I got right back into my zone. I cut off communication with the external world to go within. I started looking at my plans for the day. I looked at the task that needed to be accomplished for the week. I had to acknowledge what I was feeling then refocus. Your home has to be your sacred space. It has to be where you can go to recharge and get centered. Then I took a long nap.
When I awoke the feelings from earlier were a distant memory. I spent sometime in reflection. It was necessary for me to acknowledge and accept my guest appearing thoughts. I thanked fear for showing up and reminding me it was time to create my own life. If I wanted to live by my rules, I have to stay the course and see this through completion.
We all have something that lingers in the background waiting to give us false truths about who we are, who we can be and what’s destined for our lives. It’s up to us to decipher what’s real and what we can use for motivation. You want to know how I found courage? I practiced it. I don’t seek validation. By the time most people catch up to what I’m on, I’m halfway done with the task. I’ve already beat fear by just stepping outside of my comfort zone. You won’t feel confident taking big leaps until you taken several mini leaps. The small leaps are what build courage, endurance and strength. Fear is not my enemy, I use it to measure my success. When I feel it I know I’m close to my next breakthrough. It means I can’t look back but I can thank it for the reminder.
Peace and Blessings